For some reason today I was thinking about this post that was never posted. I wrote it before my wedding and my then-fiance, now husband, thought it was too transparent for me to share so I saved it. Even though it is no longer relevant because it is taken out of the time context, I still feel it is relevant to me now and can be helpful to brides and anyone going through a transition in their lives. The transitions in life never stop, do they? I have many thoughts brewing in my head and I am soon going to write what I really think about weddings, now that I can say it with my own experience.
Written a couple weeks before my wedding:
"As I am preparing to leave for my wedding next weekend, I am also taking time to pack boxes as I get them. Moving is an emotional trigger for me because it feels like a tearing down of what I have put together. It signifies changes in my life.
It was February of last year when I decided to move from South Carolina to Texas to be in the same city with my fiancee. We had been long distance for one year and it was time to be together. Packing up my condo that I had lived in for 5 years and cleaning it for someone to rent was an unknown feeling to me. My condo was my first home purchase and my baby. To top it off I was moving to a state that I had never even visited. Talk about a leap of faith!
Now that I will be moving again at the end of September, hopefully to our first new home together, I am looking back, looking forward and looking inward. It's exciting and scary to let go of the old and embrace the new. Over the past months since my engagement I have had to "mourn" what I was giving up, my single self, to embrace what I am becoming, a wife. Nevermind the hoopla of a wedding, marriage is a rite of passage. I am really excited to embrace this new life but I admit it took me some time to get used to the idea. I have had to consider how I will be defined by this new role. As a child of divorced parents, I wasn't the biggest fan of marriage. Oh, I always wanted to get married, but didn't want to get divorced. My family still can't believe I am getting married because I was always so choosy.
It is now 17 days until my wedding. :) The best advice I have received about the wedding is to enjoy it. Sound simple, but I figured I needed some practice so I am taking that advice to heart even now as I look around me, feel what I feel, and make mental notes of what all my senses are saying to me. As I packed today I looked around me and remembered what this period of time has been like. I know how I have changed and what has come into my life. I am not the same girl that moved in here. I am better because I have learned.
In all our lives we are going through transitions of gaining and letting go. Try, with me, to focus in on the present and be grateful. Let your heart be full of the people who have been in your life, the successes you have achieved, and the disappointments you've worked through as well. Take a look around where you are and remember that this time in your life will never pass by you again."
For other future brides who need encouragement through the transition, see www.consciousweddings.com. There are many supportive girls who know just what you are feeling.
For help determining future goals, read Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
And of course, reading the Bible never fails to inspire. Try Proverbs for of the moment and always in style wisdom